When I first had the idea to go to culinary school, I knew I wanted to earn the Associates of Applied Science in Culinary Arts degree. Because there was a significant overlap between culinary arts classes and pastry arts classes, I was transfering in all the gen eds, and I also wanted to learn baking, I thought, why not go for the AAS in Baking and Pastry Arts as well? Go big or go home, right?
So… About That…
Unfortunately, as I got more familiar with the degree programs and all of the requirements, I became acutely aware that this might not be the best idea after all.
First off, several of the required classes were geared specifically to people who wanted to manage restaurants and since I had no interest in doing that, I would never end up needing or using this information.
Second, both degrees required two semesters of practicums where you are employed in a restaurant or bakery and get hands on experience. I absolutely understand why this is needed for someone wanting to work in the restaurant industry. However, this was never my goal in the first place.
Not to mention, the hours requirement was 20 hours week for two semesters, for a total of 32 weeks for each degree. This means I would be working 60 hour weeks for 64 weeks in pursuit of these two associate degrees. I tried to figure out how I was going to budget my time and nothing made sense.
If I worked 4-5 hours every week night, I could have weekends off. But then I could take no other classes, I couldn’t cook dinner for my family, and with most restaurant shifts stretching into night and my day starting at 6am, I was pretty sure the 12-14 hour days would be an issue. If I worked on weekends, I would literally be working 7 days a week. What would happen if I got sick? I couldn’t make it work in my head.
I Forgot I am Crazy
Third, what would happen if I got sick indeed?
My husband noticed the first signs of my hypomania, pressured speech, before I did. Unfortunately, pressured speech was soon joined by erratic moods, sleep disturbances, and crying spells.
While I am enjoying learning, the environment in the culinary school kitchen is chaotic. We cook 3-6 recipes simultaneously, completely from scratch, in a three hour block in addition to set up, clean up, and lecture. Chef gives us dozens of verbal instructions, all of which we need to flawlessly remember while cooking.
Major Contributing Factor
I am also feeling like I’m getting the short end of the stick in class. Chef decided to put me in a group with two lower-performing students, so I could help them. Her words. This means I am managing the group. Now, on top of cooking, learning, remembering literally everything, etc. I now have to coordinate both of my group mates tasks. I find this absolutely exhausting.
Because the class roster has changed significantly since the beginning, I continued to hope I will end up in a group where there is less pressure on me. But, aside from one night, this does not seem to be the case. It is also extremely frustrating because a good portion of recipes still do not turn out. Sometimes due to mistakes made during learning, sometimes equipment failure, and sometimes because I can’t keep track of two people and myself continuously for three hours.
When I spoke to someone in an advanced cooking class, I very much got the impression this kind of thing wouldn’t be allowed to happen. I also am going to ensure that it doesn’t as I’m pretty sure this is one of the major factors causing the mania symptoms.
So, What Now?
At the intersection of realizing I don’t need to take some classes, I can’t manage a practicum with a full-time job, and my bipolar disorder is not going to allow me to be in school part-time and working full-time for 5-6 years, I knew something had to give. But what?
I remembered seeing culinary and pastry certificates on the school’s website when I was originally researching. I hadn’t even glanced at them, however. I hopped back on the website to investigate.
The advanced certificate required a practicum and basically all culinary or pastry classes without the gen eds. I was less than thrilled. It would have been less of an issue, but I would still be on the hook for a practicum and there were still plenty of classes required that had to do with restaurant inner workings.
Then I saw the foundations certificates. There was one for culinary art and and one for pastry arts. It required several important classes, with some overlap, and covered only the relevant hands-on classes I wanted without any practicum classes or diving into the weeds with how to run a bakery or restaurant human resources. Best of all, the class I just finished and the class I’m currently in are required for the culinary arts certificate.
The Answer is… Okayish
I knew what I had to do. But I had to admit, I didn’t particularly like it. I felt like I was giving up in a way. Which, I recognize, was fairly ridiculous. But these are feelings and they just are like that sometimes. It wasn’t as if I was leaving culinary school completely. Not to mention, I wasn’t amending my plans because of lack of ability or talent.
But I knew better than to continue on as if trying to pursue a degree I didn’t need was more important than my health. At this point in my life with bipolar, I know how to recognize when something is not sustainable. I also knew walking into this project that a professional kitchen might not be the best environment for my illness. At least I know now that becoming a chef is not an option for me. I will happily remain a home cook.
Naturally, when I made this decision and decided to go tell my husband, I immediately started crying. I honestly wasn’t even sure why. I knew this was the right decision. It made the most sense. I felt a tremendous sense of relief already. But I was still sitting in his office, showing him the certificate requirements I had printed out, struggling to talk through my tears.
A Finale
It’s the day after now and I feel much better about this decision. I’m really glad I dove in to see what culinary school was about and I’m really glad I recognized what was going on when I started showing symptoms.
I’m still going to learn as much as I can in a formal setting and then my husband suggested I take different specialized classes whenever I like to build on the foundation I have established. Not to mention, once I have the basics down, it will be much easier for me to learn from the books or classes that weren’t helping me earlier when I didn’t have enough of a foundation to work off of.
Stay tuned for all the culinary shenanigans. There are way more to come.
